amboneandonly's Journals on Buzznet

11:22 am. When Amanda truly begins to loathe modern society.

amboneandonly — 2008-03-16T08:43:00Z

It's sad how sometimes you can do so much and feel so belittled. Like your someone's New York Deep Dish Pizza box; thrown out of a 22nd floor window hoping to hit someone's yuppie ex-wife in the head. This week has done nothing but humbled me, and put me in a mild depression.

I started off this week having to get books and homework; seeing as someone wanted me out of the state for a few days to be his other set of arms and comfort. Like always I agreed to do so (only because if I didn't; he'd surely find another way to get to me) but this time; I decided I needed to end the relationship, and rid my life of a selfish asshole. It's hard to understand the concept of why (but if you were to read previous journals you may/may not understand). So, I officially 'left his ass' and came home Friday, and well; nothing but harassment has happened since.

I mean, I'm used to being called a worthless whore than is a waste of so much potenial...

Until this morning anyways. As you may know, I got my permit weeks (Late January) back. Since I have yet to drive, because I live in Upstate New York. Near a crapload of lakes, ponds, and other things that cause lake effect storms. Mind you this winter hasn't been so bad (Thanks to YOU Global Warming *Hurrah Global Warminngggg*) But I still did not want to drive.

So, coming home from church (Mind you, I believe in the Buddhist philosphy) my dad decides to pull over and orders me to drive. So I do so (and not to brag, but I'm way better than I thought I was) But like always my dad finds error in everything. (Like...I stopped before the stop sign.) And whenever I do the tiniest error, I get belittled. Like...Full bore screaming. Not about my driving either, tha'd be too lucky..About how in other words I'm a waste.

Discuss:

Your parents.

What would you do if I followed you?

amboneandonly — 2008-02-28T17:33:00Z

She turned away what was she lookin at?
She was a Sour Girl the day that she met me
Hey! What are you lookin at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
She turned away what was she lookin at?
She was a Sour Girl the day that she met me
Hey! What are you lookin at?
She was a happy girl when she left me
What would you do?
What would you do if I followed you?
What would you do I follow?
Don't turn away what are you lookin at?
He was so happy on the day that he met her
Say, what are you looking at?
I was a Superman, but looks are deceiving
The roller coaster ride's a lonely one
I'd pay the ransom note to stop it from steaming
Hey! What are you looking at?
She was a teenage girl when she met me. . .
What would you do?
What would you do if I followed you?
What would you do I follow?
The girl got reasons, they all got reasons
What would you do?
What would you do if I followed you?
What would you do I follow?
What would you do?
What would you do if I followed you?
What would you do I follow?
Hey! What are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
The day that she left me
The day that she left me
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
The day that she left me
The day that she left me
She was a sour girl the day that she left me

I won't admit when you sing this song; my insides bubble.

Awkwardly shy, but yet so confident that you know the words.

Cute?

No.

You hate the thought of being that.

Because you're so much more.

Right? It's alright, let me take that spotlight then. You can be the 'tough' man you want to be, and I can take my sweet ass time to do as I need. I need you here in more ways than one. 3am phone calls for you reach me in the morning as I prep for my day. Are you sure you're ready for another round? I wish you'd realize how broken I am because of you. And how much I need you to guide me through this mess we started.

Another call.

Your voicemail seems to be like my star crossed lover. Whenever I dial, he picks up and tells me to leave you a message. Cute; he's too shy to ask me out though. Maybe if things continue like this, I'll be getting frequent flyer miles to come and see your phone.

I'd like that alot. And I'm sure it would too.

How to explain what happened in my father's words would send you into a fit. Though no one knows about the pain, and the void. His words from a few nights ago just sent me over the edge... ~~Admitting I broke down Tuesday night. I'm ashamed of it, but even worse of today.~~

I just want to tell the world not to take anything for granted.

Trust me, everything can change with a few words.

Choose wisely before you speak.

All my projects are going to be halted until everything is on track.

Life is currently on a ultimate low.

You all are loved by someone.

Take your time to find them.

xxoo

Susie Q

3 AM phone calls and too many nights away.

amboneandonly — 2008-02-01T17:53:00Z

I’ve never been so scared

With every churn of my stomach, a thought of you arises

These feelings un-kept and haunting with 3am phone calls

Around me you say things feel right

Wish I could say the same to you.

I’ve never felt so sick

Waiting for a day that was supposed to come days ago

What happens if it doesn’t?

Will I be tossed aside?

The joke amongst friends, curious to why she’s so fucked up

Maybe you should tell them

Grow up

Be a man

You say you aren’t ready

You should realize that everyone is waiting for you to fuck up

I’m an easy mistake

Easy listener that stays quiet

A confidant a train-ride away

John Mayer can’t blare loud enough to ignore the truth

You’re falling further

And I’m lost in the midst of it.

I could play you like a book

You seem to enjoy when others do that

‘I need to let her go’

You do, but we all know you need her.

She’s your high school drug

Ecstasy? Or cocaine?

They both bring the feelings you need

Ecstasy damaging your brain

Cocaine your entire system

I hope to hear your comfort

It’s about time you play doctor

I want to be the lunatic

Strap me up with your lanky embrace

Snap those buckles that let me loose

And tell me it’s going to be all right

Please

Tell me it’s going to be all right.

Good Vibrations.

amboneandonly — 2008-01-13T19:45:00Z

Well, what's today?

The thirteenth if I remember correctly.

For you it may be the 14th or 15th when you read this.

Either way I really don't care.

You guys ever get the feeling that the world is crashing?

Exploding around everyone and ruining them

As you suceed?

My first few shirts will be out intime for V-Day.

And my brother's being charged with a felony.

Both things I find out this week.

A night in NYC making me a little more confused

Hiding away from the town that seems to capture you and hold you hostage

A little more aware of where I'm going.

A little more aware of why I have to watch myself

Things are so much easier if you take them just one day at a time.

I plan on spending atleast a week in Chicago this summer

Theres something that is drawing me there

And it's not some stupid band

Or member I may or may not run into.

Everyone has a place where they just click.

I wanna find mine before I graduate.

Which is possible for me to do next January.

I'll be uploading a few videos this week, you guys may or may not laugh.

BTW: Automatic Revolving doors SUCK

Warning, You Too May Have Jorgensenitious.

amboneandonly — 2007-12-09T13:26:00Z

It is not, and will never be cool to look like Ben Jorgensen. Infact, you will probably be uncool for your attempts to be like the frontman of Armor For Sleep. That said, let me show you someone that currently has a case of Jorgensenitious.

Let me introduce a Mister Pete Wentz. At first glance, you may or may not be thinking "What the fuck are you talking about?"...but let me show you something else.

....that did not, I repeat did not come from me...

(*coughs a few times to get your attention*)

(Photocredit? Top: PeteWentzOnline.org Bottom: Ben's Myspace)

Something as simple as letting your hair grow out may cause Jorgensenitious, but I Dr.Susie Q think Mr.Wentz may or may not have a growing sensation for Mr.Ben. I mean, I do anyways...

How do we cure Jorgensenitious? I, Dr.Susie Q have the answer.

1. Drop anything blonde you may or may not have in your life. If you cannot drop it, dye it's hair a nice pink or black.

2. Comb your hair back, showing off your age.

3. Proceed not to comb your hair for several months, apply product, but please do not comb or wash.

4. Grow a long beard, it's the 'in' thing not to do.

5. Wear skin tight clothing, or just don't wear clothing at all.

Thank you.

Are you worried that you may have Jorgensenitious?

Well, Dr.Susie Q can help you too, it's rather easy to get rid of Jorgensenitious if you do have it, and are not at Mr.Wentz's level.

Step 1: Delete all photos of Mr.Ben you may (or may not) have. Concert footage? Toss it.

Step 2: Proceed to dye your hair one of the colors of the rainbow. If you have dark hair? Bleach then dye.

Step 3: Whenever you feel Jorgensen-type actions coming your way, print and place this sheet on the hardest surface you can find, and follow the instructions.

And you too will be free of this horrible disease.

Let's Talk About The Future

amboneandonly — 2007-12-07T17:13:00Z

But before I can talk future wise, I think it's time to say what I've been doing to get myself out there in the last few months. Other than abusing all the macs I have been in contact with, I've been doing some serious studies in photography. Not because I want to be a top notch photographer, but I believe that being behind the lense gives you this high comparable to some drugs.

So does listening to Rolling Stones BTW, if you really wish for a fix.

Along with these photography courses, I'm preping up to start my own online clothing line. I've been doing custom orders for people around town, but I've decided it's time to work for something big.

(And think about it this way, I can do a well fashion portrait, so I won't have to do anything other than grab some models -which has covered-)

Tonight I'm reflecting on how much I've matured in the last year, and how to keep going in the right direction.

The Cosmos

If you notice my second little friend, that's part of what I will be (and currently am) working on. The Cosmos is my duo with the wonderful, and my lover Hey Christine, aka Trendy Secret on here.

(She's mine, so back off. Rawrrrr)

Drawings

I gave up commission work (the doodles I used to do) I mean, I still do them, but not nearly in the same affect as once before. If you do want some sort of commission for some strange reason, contact me and send $3 my way and I'll do something for you hun. (lol cheap and loving it)

Shirts?

I hope to have some stuff out by late March '08, that is if I can set it all up right, and get some people I know will buy.

This Buzznet?

...Will be heavily updated. Trust me, in the next few weeks your going to get to view upon who Susie Q really is, and why she's such a loser.

Lastly, Photography & Modeling.

I might be doing (will be doing) alot of modeling in the next few months. It's going to be hell, but it's something I love to do. Along with this, I will be doing a ton (and I mean, a ton) of fashion shoots. So if you wanna get some photos, or even have me retouch your stuff, just leave a message hun.

xxoo

SusieQ

Giving My Thanks

amboneandonly — 2007-11-22T09:40:00Z

In honor of the day today, I took aside this time to give thanks for everyone and everything that is currently taking place in my life.

To start off, I thank my father, and (I suppose) my mother for bringing me into the world. May you be graced within the next year as I continue to screw up and mess around.

Secondly Kate, My Brother, and my sister. Thanks for being there.

Third, I'd like to thank the local music scene: because without you I actually stick out in a crowd: wayyyy more than I should.

I thank all my other friends: the ones that keep their names in hiding because their scared I'm going to eat their brains.

I'd like to thank you Mr.Douche, for finally growing up....except not really. You make a girl feel at home, even when you only show around every few months. I'm sorry for all the bullshit that people have been giving you, but it's nothing new....right?

I'd like to thank Pete Wentz:

For Breaking His Foot, and it somehow ending up on E!.

For Making Fangirls Jealous, you still straighten your hair.

For Being 'Half-Gay', making me wonder why you just don't say Bisexual.

For Your Efforts (as well as Andy, Joe, and Patrick's) with Invisible Children, and Burma as well. Your doing good.

For Being A Role-Model, Yes, You can have your 7 1/2 inch penis on the internet and still be a decent person. (I wanna say that's a good estimate)

To Mr.Beckett:

For proving that your shoe size has NOTHING to do with the size below the waist.

For having nice hair, because as with Mr.Wentz, it's proven to be important.

For being stick-thin: it's great dear, it's great.

To Panic! At The Disco:

For giving me something to nag about.

Hurry up already with the fricken' CD, so I can download it for free.

To Jack Marin:

For Dissappearing, and not yet being found.

.....Where the hell are you?!?!?

To Shaant:

For Giving me a reason to go to the Dermatologist over buying fake BAPE.

To You Guys:

For reading my shit, and being nice and throwing buzz's at the Pete Wentz shit.

I love you.

Lastly, to my TrendySecret...

Little Miss Christine.

My honey bunches of oats, coated by that confectionary honey.

This year, you've gone through a lot, and well...life has it's ups downs, and inbetweens. Needless to say, every year is going to be like that in a way. You've made this year: alot better than anyone else has even tried to do for me. I give thanks to that, and that we may have many more years of this.

Thanks to you all, and may you all have a great thanksgiving.

xxoo

Susie Q

Not too sure on how to explain.

amboneandonly — 2007-11-11T07:38:00Z

birthday came early
walmart and a small venue
dashing eyes
daring smiles
it's strange the life some people get to lead.

fans mean the world
enemies maybe a bit more
take your time with smile and a song
your fans will give you a world of adoration.

not too sure you understand
my eyes are constantly in awe
of someone's stage presence.

yours always captivates me and sends me for a wirlwind of passion, infatuation, and complete awe.

thank you so much
it really means the world to me.
sorry i left so soon,
i think you understand it all though,
a bit more than i ever will.

xxoo
Susie Q

Hmmmmm....Susie Q's enjoying this

amboneandonly — 2007-11-10T06:18:00Z

Normally I'm the first person to give someone their privacy, but in this case, I'd like your opinion on a few blog posts, and I'll tell you why I find this so intriging to me.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

a sketch of nashville in words.

afternoon rythmic no sleep dream.
body rigid.
mind convulsing.
i went scanning thru frequencies as my eyelids stuck shut.
reminds me of the first time the emt's gave birth to me.
or back to me.
whats the difference between a vision and a hallucination is simply whos giving the diagnosis.
the visions were so bright they burnt shadows on the inside of the room.
were a wagon party.
hobbling around on a walking cast is bad for the ego but has done wonders for the writing.
i see the world in slow motion.
theres shivering everywhere.
even the puppy has california blood.
too cold outside, too hot inside.
fall has stolen the country from here.
there are no banjo hearts out on the street.
the weather doesnt have the charm or hospitality it usually does in these parts.
and sleep never comes naturally anymore.
boys playing men in flannel shirts-
homage or parody of what once was.

whos gonna be left when its all and done?

im exploding just too slowly for anyone to take notice.

Friday, November 09, 2007

honey is for bees you silly bear and besides theres jellybeans everywhere/my heartbeat would swallow you whole...

havent slept in days.
think i am starting to crack.
my room is thrashed, covered in jelly beans and i almost cried while watching the nanny diaries- i think its not funny anymore.
sick of watching what genius is.
sometimes genius is being completely ordinary.
when i look up at the sky i want to eat the stars.
its daylight again, everything goes back to being boring.

nothing too much to say. just gonna watch the world spin this morning.

I'll be honest: normally I'm the first to crack a joke, make a tease of this young (or aging) arrogant fool. But today I've decided (since this hotel room is cramping my style and making me feel much more compact than you'd ever understand) to be nice.

Mainly because there's some gossip going around the circle of Oh No They Didn't.
(Not that there isn't normally, but for once I'm trying to compromise with the asshole in me, alright?)

http://fadedyouthblog.com/ is where the drama started coming from: before a used tells about Halloween night.

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/17323399.html?thread=1998296455#t1999047815

I guess Pete was having too much fun licking Schlep?

Get better soon: or start listening to Take This To Your Grave and gimme some old hits. Loser's need to get their fixes too.

xxoo
Susie Q

To My Buzznet Bitch Extraordinaire (Yes Yes, To You)

amboneandonly — 2007-10-18T17:11:00Z

For about four years I've hated this town
There's so much I just want to get out
Since graduation was long ago
Please somebody get me out of this hole
Cause I don't want to get stuck in here
When I am thirty-four just talking about high school years
No I don't want to be there an I feel so stuck right here
Back and forth side to side oh my dear
My foot to the floor I will drive to the place
Where I can kick it with friends through the night
A place well talk about now and the past what the future holds
Hanging out with not much to do
Just aimless with each other is what we do

Cause this ain't where it's at
My friends will second that
And I gotta admit sometimes it's pretty sad
But it's like were our own brat pack
Were always kicking back nobody can take that
That is that it's like it's all we have

Whooo whooo ya oh come on

Say oh oh get on the floor
Dance till you got no more
I know it's there somewhere
Don't worry I'll be there to rock the party all night
To rock you till there's light, our fists in the air
Fighting a good fight
Cause we were singing along to Peter Gabriel sledge hammer song
You know it's clear that tonight we belong in this place
So I stand back to reflect in this town I hate
At least just for a second I think I might stay

This ain't where it's at
My friends will second that
And I gotta admit sometimes it's pretty sad
But its like were our own brat pack
Were always kicking back nobody can take that
And that is that

So ill run away to the hopes that I have
That still I fall asleep in the arms of my past
And when I wake so helpless and thinking of that just lay back down

Again

Everyday

So maybe later today I'll know
What I will do with my life as I know it
Maybe for now ill drive back to that place where I belong
And hope to God it hasn't changed

This ain't where it's at
My friends will second that
And I gotta admit sometimes it's pretty sad
But its like were our own brat pack were always kicking back
Nobody can take that no no no

This ain't where it's at
My friends will second that
And I gotta admit sometimes it's pretty sad
But its like were our own brat pack were always kicking back
Nobody can take that
That is that it's like its all we have

Even if no one else does.

I love you.

Honey Bunches Of Oats.

xxoo

SusieQ

Currently:

-Talking Dad into letting me move

-Talking John into tossing me onstage 11-18

-Confessing my secret's to strangers.

-Plotting Boob Job

-Plotting Butt Removal

-Plotting World Domanation

-Listening to: It's Not A Side Effect Of Cociane, I Think It's Love.

-Reading: Blogs.